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A zebra print bikini should be classed in the same wardrobe ‘essential’ league as the ever faithful LBD. And I learnt this lesson the hard way. Let me set the scene… My bags packed, the beautiful beachfront villa in the tiny (yet popular and buzzing) little coastal town booked, and me leaving work early on Friday arvo to beat the traffic. A long way to drive to get there in time for cocktails with the girls; the start of a relaxing, sun-drenched, lazy weekend at the beach. I don’t pack my long-time favourite zebra print bikini because I’m going to buy swimwear that is much more sexy and exotic when I get there. Mistake number one.
No need for sexy bikinis until Saturday afternoon at least, I tell myself. Slightly hungover from the drinking session of the night before, the shops will be full of tourists anyway. I have a nice sleep-in instead. After a huge medicinal fat-laden brekkie, including bacon and the plural version of hash browns (mistake number two)… I head off to the shops. This is a beach town – there will be ample swimwear shops I tell myself smugly. Wrong! There is ample souvenir and rubbishy gift type shops but there are only two swimwear shops. And one of them is actually a surf shop with very minimum bikini range.
My zebra print bikini, sitting on my bed at home, was starting to look quite good by about now. However, I decided to remain open-minded and try other bikinis on. None of them were my usual style… but maybe that was a good thing? Time to try something new perhaps… Well! It was the middle of summer and of course there was nothing left on the racks. And the ones that were, had obviously been left for a reason. Where were all the cute, sexy new bikinis that were covering the magazines I had circled and stockpiled at home? All that I could find were WHITE bikinis – who the hell wears a white bikini anyway? Someone with a bloody good sun-tan and every little bit of hair on their body removed in a car-sized vat of wax I’m assuming… before they run off barefoot with their toned, tort and hairless bodies where they are photographed for a range of postcards for the Mauritius Islands???
Oh lord, what I would’ve given to have my zebra print bikini with me now! Trudging limply back to the hotel, I noticed the sun starting to dip behind trees in front of me and the shadows of a day nearly over were being cast. Great, I’ve missed summer. But I didn’t care. I was too bloated from my enormous breakfast to squeeze into a bikini anyway. I flicked the top off a beer, opened my book and prayed for rain.